Non-binary sex toys are here, making pleasure more accessible for everyone

The sexual revolution may have happened for some 50 years ago, but sex can still be mystifying, scary, and shrouded in stigma. Social media platforms enforce rigorous censorship, porn festivals face protests, and sex toys are still heavily stigmatised (and in some cases banned). 

Despite the fact that 20 million adults in the UK watch porn, self-pleasure remains an awkward talking point, particularly when it comes to those who don’t conform to the gender binary. Determined to change this is Amy and Nick Boyajian, co-founders of sex toy shop and educational platform Wild Flower, who are leading the way with their new non-binary sex toy, Enby (as in NB for non-binary).

Aiming to break taboos and bring inclusion to the industry, the toy is “designed to please a variety of bodies” and can be “humped, rubbed on, tucked in a harness, and placed between bodies to offer stimulation in all the right places”. The silicone toy – which resembles a tiny sting ray – has three speeds and five patterns of vibrations. 

Founded in 2017, Wild Flower is dedicated to championing sex positivity, and this latest venture is no exception. “Because it’s not targeted at any particular gender or anatomy,” Nick tells me over the phone, “and for a lot of folks who feel alienated by the marketing or design of sex toys, something like Enby really makes them feel seen, and makes it feel like there’s a product out there that’s really for them.”

Here, we chat to Amy and Nick about Enby, their struggles with censorship, and how sex education needs to be reformed.

How did you come up with the design for Enby?

Amy Boyajian: We already had a lot of customer requests – toys you could hump and grind against, toys that stayed in place between partners – and then a friend of ours who had transitioned physically made a comment about how they couldn’t use the toy that they’d previously used, and now needed all new toys. So we were like ‘I wonder if we can combine all of these requests and make a toy’, and we did!

Nick Boyajian: Once we had decided on the general concept and sketched a few ideas on paper, I used a computer-aided design application to create a 3D model. Once we got a 3D printer, we started printing dozens of different shapes, before eventually deciding on one and developing moulds to actually cast prototypes in silicone.

Amy Boyajian: It was really some mad scientist stuff – us in our kitchen, with Nick Frankenstein-ing different parts of toys together! 

What’s the response been so far?

Amy Boyajian: Pretty great! People have been able to explore it and use it in new ways that we didn’t even think of. It’s been fun for people who are new to toys and also people who are advanced, because it’s not like any other toy.

Nick Boyajian: My hope designing sex toys is basically to give a lot of people orgasms, but Enby has been more than that to people. Because it’s not targeted at any particular gender or anatomy, and for a lot of folks who feel alienated by the marketing or design of sex toys, something like Enby really makes people feel seen, and makes it feel like there’s a product out there that’s really for them.

Do you hope Enby will lead the way in expanding the sex toy market?

Amy Boyajian: There’s a lot of stigma around sex toys, not only about who uses them or what it means about you, but also because it creates competition between partners. We want toys to be an enhancement not a replacement; we want them to complement the sex you’re already having, rather than replicate other people’s body parts. With Enby, it was really important to us to create a toy that you could use solo and together, and that you could use as you physically change or as your partners change – whatever genitalia they have.

“Because it’s not targeted at any particular gender or anatomy, and for a lot of folks who feel alienated by the marketing or design of sex toys, something like Enby really makes people feel seen” – Nick Boyajian, Wild Flower

What more do you think needs to be done to remove the stigma around masturbating?

Amy Boyajian: Sex education is extremely vital. A lot of the sex ed that’s happening is teaching you about the names of body parts and how to avoid STIs and pregnancy, but not teaching us about pleasure or consent. A lot of people, especially women and femmes, are taught the concept that their pleasure is to please somebody else, so we really want to take that back and talk about self pleasure as a positive thing. 

Also there isn’t a lot of legislation around sexuality unless it’s a negative thing. There’s a lot of regulation of people’s bodies, but there isn’t any regulations on what you can make sex toys out of.

What was your sex education like when you were younger?

Amy Boyajian: I had no sex education! Anything I found out was stuff I heard in the playground, or stuff I found online in weird chat rooms. I was absolutely terrified of sex for a very long time because of that.

Nick Boyajian: The first sex ed I ever got was probably when I was around eight or nine and I started asking my parents where babies come from. I do remember in school, the boys and girls were made to go in separate rooms and watch videos – there was a lot of laughing and sniggering, it wasn’t a very educational moment. All I remember walking away from that was ‘don’t have sex, it’s bad’.

A bit like in Mean Girls!

Nick Boyajian: Exactly!

A sex toy company was recently banned from advertising in the New York subway – have you experienced censorship in your marketing?

Nick Boyajian: Being a completely independent company, we don’t do a lot of paid marketing, but we have definitely encountered censorship. We’re not allowed to advertise through Facebook or Instagram, so the only way we can advertise is through Google ads and even then we’re restricted to people who are searching for adult content. Banks won’t work with us, nor will credit card processors – the second they hear ‘sex’ they immediately put us in a category with pornographers.

I suppose until social media companies welcome sexuality, it’s going to be difficult for sex toy companies to be accepted. Do you think you’re even more discriminated against because you’re not a male-focussed sex company? For example, Viagra ads are allowed on the NYC subway.

Amy Boyajian: A lot of male issues are seen as a high priority, like ‘oh you can’t get a boner, here’s a medication’ – that’s a medical application. But if you have a vagina and you can’t climax, or you have painful sex, then it’s not seen as a medical issue, it’s seen as ‘oh you just can’t enjoy pleasure and that’s not important’. But it is! A lot of the time we need toys and tools to help us – whether it be through painful sex, or disabled sex. There’s a cultural acceptance of certain things and not others, and it’s definitely leaning more towards the male.

Nick Boyajian: There’s definitely a lack of understanding about sexuality that comes from a place of sexism and patriarchy, but I think it’s more like a sex phobia thing than simply man = OK, woman = not OK.

What’s next for Wild Flower?

Amy Boyajian: We’re always trying to respond to what our customers need, so we’re definitely going to be coming out with more products. We also want to get ourselves on a bigger platform because we’re determined to make more people feel included in the sex toy industry.

Nick Boyajian: Now Enby is on the market, that’s a huge thing for us. It’s going to give us the fuel we need to build more content, educate more people, and finally start doing some advertising.